Katy Perry

How nice are my friends?!? They surprised me with tickets to see Katy Perry for my birthday! What a fabulous way to celebrate my birthday and Pierce's two month birthday....a lot better than crying on the couch which is what I probably would have been doing. ;) We went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner, yum! It was an amazing show and definitely the most entertaining person I have seen in concert! Thanks girls for the FUN night!

I want...

A baby....really really bad. Preferably this cute little bundle.

It is an interesting thing moving on with life in a way you never expected. At this point in life I expected to be doing things like...
 snapping pictures of a cute little baby learning to smile
 being sleep deprived and a little crazy
 trying to keep Brigs out of the babies face
learning to keep 3 kids happy
mastering Brigs and a newborn
nursing...non stop
and loving every minute of it

Instead I am...
forcing my own smile a lot of the time
trying to ease my mind enough to sleep
trying to help Brigs know his brother
crying with Koen about his brother
pumping for a baby that isn't mine
still trying to keep TWO kids happy
doing exactly what I was doing 2 months ago...minus a big belly
and trying not to think of what I should be doing right now....

I am obviously not doing a good job. :) Every time I see people with babies or pregnant I cant help but feel bad for myself. I want that little baby...I just did that whole pregnancy thing, I have the post baby chub to prove it, but I am minus the most important part...baby. I really wish I wasn't.

Hot Lava Springs

We love Hot Lava Springs, as Koen calls it. It is just too cute to correct. We love everything about this Lovell tradition and this year was no exception. We spend lots of time at the pool, the hot tubs, on the river, people watching, eating good food and hanging out with the fam! Fun all around! This year we also added a wagon ride that took you out to a pavilion for dinner. The kids all loved sitting up front and watching the horses. Nothing beats a good family vacation!

Park City Getaway

The weekend after the funeral Missy and Mindy (Phil's sisters) insisted we take a night away by ourselves to rest, relax and recoup after our 7 week ordeal. They are too sweet. We enjoyed shopping around at the outlets on Friday night, dinner at Ruth's Chris, spent Saturday at the Olympic Park(saw the aerial show, did the zipline and slide), and lots of pumping in the car!
It was so nice to get out and just be us. Nobody knew us. Nobody said anything. And I think it was the first time it didn't consume our minds. Thank you girls! We had a great time and the boys love spending time with you guys!

Temporary

Today Pierce's temporary headstone was placed. It is so weird to go to the cemetery and see it. It makes it all seem a little more real. When we had the funeral last week it all felt so surreal. I kept thinking I was in a movie and that this wasn't really my life. I wish it wasn't.
I have had a few really hard days. I keep thinking how bad I hate that this is happening to me. It has been one week today since I held my little baby. one week. How am I supposed to make it hundreds of more weeks? People keep telling me "so grateful you are a forever family" but forever seems far to far away! My pediatrician put it the best way when I talked to her yesterday. She said that knowing our family is forever makes something unbearable, bearable. Nothing more, not easy, not ok, just bearable. That is so true. It helped us in making the best decision for our baby, knowing he would be free from pain and not gone forever. Now I think about how long it is before I see him again, and I want him here now.
-Today I cried when I walked past Koen's room to hear him listening to Pierce's lullaby on repeat to go to sleep.
-Today I cried when I rocked Brigs to sleep and thought about how Pierce was supposed to be his little sidekick and he doesn't even realize what has happened.
-Today I cried when I thought about Pierce's new little cousin who will be born tomorrow that was supposed to be his best friend. They were supposed to grow up best little buddies and go to school together in the same grade with the same last name.
-Today I cried when my neighbor called and told me about her friend who works in the NICU saying how much Pierce and his family touched people there. I feel like he has impacted so many lives and as much as I love that I would trade it all in a heartbeat to have him here with me.
-I cried when I saw a rainbow and thought of the words to the song "If I Die Young" 'Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother, she'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors. Life aint always what you think it ought to be, No, aint even gray but she burries her baby, sharp knife of a short life'
I have knots in my stomach when I think about the way things were "supposed to be." I feel so mad that they cant just be that way. I hate when things throw a wrench in my plans. Regardless of all my feeling I do know this is temporary. I do know I will see him again. It just seems too far away right now to be comforting. I am human. I want him now.

Missing

Phil and I always have the conversation about "missing" people. I tell him how it takes a lot for me to miss someone, numerous days or a week. I have never missed anyone so much as I miss my little baby today. I dont think I have ever felt this ache for someone before. My arms ache to hold him, my eyes ache to see his face in person, not a picture, and my lips ache to smooch his cute head. How could you not miss this perfect little angel?

PIERCE OLSEN Obituary: View PIERCE OLSEN's Obituary by Deseret News

PIERCE OLSEN Obituary: View PIERCE OLSEN's Obituary by Deseret News

PIERCE OLSEN 

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Pierce Brent Olsen 5/25/2011 ~ 7/12/2011 Sweet baby Pierce returned home to his Heavenly Father early Tuesday morning in the arms of his Mom and Dad. He was a special boy who touched so many lives in his short time, without ever leaving his little hospital bed. Pierce fought a hard fight for the seven weeks he was here. Pierce is survived by his parents Alesha and Phil and his brothers Koen and Brigs. Our handsome little boy we will miss you so much, but look forward to when we can be together again. Watch over us sweet angel. Pierce has many grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, care-givers, and friends who love him and were his biggest fans. He is preceded in death by his Grandma Mary, who will keep him safe till me meet again. Breathe freely now little buddy. We love you! In lieu of flowers donations may be made at any America First Credit Union under the Pierce Olsen memorial fund. 

Goodbye Pierce-email from Phil

The last couple of days have been very nice.  We have had lots of visitors and it was great to see all of the kids yesterday.  

The day started with getting some pictures of Pierce, thanks to a friend of the Thompsons.  We enjoyed spending time with Becca and Gretchen.  The photographer was so nice and spent so much time there with us.  Thank you!  


The music therapist wrote a lullaby for Pierce based on questions she asked Koen and us.  It was very touching.  She sang a few songs with a lot of our family there yesterday.  Nana Joan showed up just in time to hear her sing.  Nana has spent so much time with Pierce and they have such a close connection.  Thank you Nana for being so amazing through this.  We are going to have really good journal entries of this experience.  You have such a gift for writing and touching peoples heart.  We all were very emotional.  Bevin started dancing during the songs which brought a smile to our faces.  After everyone had left the music therapist had Koen hold Pierce for the first time.  Koen was very excited.  Missy was able to video this experience and I can’t wait to see it.  She taught Koen the lullaby.  Koen couldn’t stop crying.  He has such a tender heart and loves his brother very much.  We sang several songs and cried a lot.  This was a very special experience.  My Mom was able to come up and hold Pierce for the last time.  I love you Mom so much.  You are such a great person.   Mom didn’t want to take time away from us but I insisted she hold him.  I thought it was important he is comforted by my Mom here and my Mom there when he arrives.

We then had pictures from a friend of my aunt Angela.  She was there when it got a little crazy with our kids during the family pictures.  Koen had been at the hospital for about 4 hours and was feeling ready to go.  Brigs is always crazy and let us know he was not wanting to do pictures.  We got through the pictures and then said goodbye to Missy and my Mom.  The photographer was so patient and we are so grateful for her.  We feel so blessed to be able to document this experience so well.  Thank you! 

It came time to take Pierce off life support.   How do you know when we are ready?  We had everyone leave and I gave Pierce a last fathers blessing.  We both cried.  We didn’t want to say goodbye.  We want him here so bad.  Why can’t he be healed?  We told him how much we love him.  We told him it is okay to go back to heaven. 

Pierce’s nurse, respiratory therapist, music therapist, and doctor came back in the room to remove the tube.  They gave him some medication that helped him feel comfortable.  The music therapist continued to sing along after she was scheduled to go home.  She sang lots of songs in the background as everyone cried.  The tube was removed and Pierce kept on fighting.  He was comfortable.  He was peaceful.  He was breathing better than he has ever before.  This time no stimulants or steroids to assist him.  No ventilator, high flow , or CPAP.  Pierce decided to spend the night with us.  He breathed regularly all night.  He kept opening his eyes and stared at us. He was very alert and awake.  We took turns lying by him.  We would fall asleep unsure if he would still be there and sure enough he would be there fighting to show us how badly he wanted to be with us.  What a gift he gave us!  The nurse checked on us every couple of hours and commented on how well he was breathing and that we may need to consider taking him home.  At 5:30 am I gave him some sucrose drops.  He started to suck and take his pacifier.  We took more pictures and took another video of him.  Alesha fell asleep while I held him.  I continued to pray in my heart for Pierce.  I thanked Heavenly Father for this gift.  I pleaded with Him to take care of Pierce and I started to cry.  He then got cold.  He was gone.  He passed at 6 am.  When the doctors walked in to talk to us about possibly taking him home, I told them that he had passed away.  They listened for a heart beat and Pierce had left us after fighting for so many weeks with support and 11 hours without.  He is our miracle baby and we’ll miss him very much. We love you Pierce.  

Thanks to everyone for all of your support.  What a unique and spiritual experience this has been.  This experience has touched so many people.  The outcome is not what we wanted but the gospel gives us an eternal perspective.  We look forward to seeing him again.  We are grateful for Jesus Christ and the atonement.  We are grateful for family

Visitors

Sunday and Monday we rented out the family room for visitors to come and see Pierce. It was nice to have our own space and as many visitors as we wanted. We tried to get lots of pics of the people who love Pierce holding him. We have been beyond blessed with AMAZING family, friends and neighbors. It has made this hard and sad situation a little more bearable.

Strawberry Pinnacles-Olsen Reunion!

We love going with the Olsen clan for a weekend of fun! We love fourwheeling, riding the river, good food, volleyball, and MOST of all spending time with Grandma and Grandpa and the fam! I am so glad that I went for a day even with the circumstances. I LOVE spending time with family.

MY weekend

I came home from Strawberry Pinnacles on Friday because I didn't want to miss a day with Pierce. I came straight down from Heber out of Parley's Canyon to Primary Childrens. I got there around 5 PM and enjoyed spending the evening there with out feeling like I was a burden to someone who had my kids. (they stayed with Phil on the trip)
I was able to get some molds of his feet done, which I cant wait to get back. I know those will be so special. I was also there for his bath which I haven't been before. Over the past few days we have been dressing him. I was never really pressed about it thinking "we have his whole life to dress him" but when I realized that would not be the case, I picked out some of my favorite outfits for him and brought them to the hospital. He looks so cute all dressed and normal. I feel like I should just take out that darn breathing tube and drive him on home. How can you be so sick and look beyond perfect???
I left there around 10 and came home to sleep peacefully in my own bed all by myself. I headed up there again in the morning to spend the day holding and loving my baby. Again so nice to spend as much time as I wanted. I am so glad I was able to still go on the Olsen trip for a little bit of time but still be able to not miss a beat with the little man. This time is precious, and it is running out.

It's what fun is!

Harmons does there yearly party at Lagoon. Who could resist? ;) Tickets are cheap, they provide cheap food, and the kids love it...who am I kidding so do I! :) We headed up on Wednesday the 6th with both kiddos. We got there about 11 and headed straight to the kiddy rides. The first thing they rode on was the little whales, brigs cried the whole time. LOL It was quite comical. He would be fine and then see us and cry like "get me off of here." We hit up all the kiddy rides we could before lunch. Luckily Brigs loved riding with Koen and decided the rides were not too bad!

Then we headed to the Harmon's pavilions for lunch, face painting, tattoos, and balloon animals. All were big hits! Showing off the goods.

 Then our best little buddy Missy came and did what she does best....SAVE THE DAY! She took the little B man home for a nap. B LOVES "mithy"

Then we enjoyed the rest of our day/night with our daring 5 year old! He rode everything he could, and we snuck him on some he couldn't. :) We hung out with the Brown's and their kiddos. Koen's favorite was Colosseus. He also rode the bat, wicked, and spider. Phil enjoyed taking pics of us all waiting in line. :)

We got home close to midnight and trooper Missy was holding down the fort. Fun day at Lagoon...too bad it had to end with some bad dreams from those darn haunted houses. Apparently Koen can handle the biggest ride (Wicked) but the Terror Ride is too much. :) He was clutching Phil's neck for at least 40 minutes saying "don't leave, I am still scared" while half asleep. sad.