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Today in the car I was thinking about how bad this sucks. I tell you I go through moments of just thinking "forever someone from my family is missing. I wont see him do this or that. Even when my kids are all grown I/we will still miss him." I was thinking about how everyone has to deal with death, and it is never fun, but I still wound up thinking that most people get more than a few hours, days or weeks. I wish I had more memories. Instead of having memories, I just think of all the missed opportunities to create them. It is hard to create tons of memories when your baby lived in a hospital bed. :( Death just really really sucks. Especially when it is someone who could have had so much life ahead of them. I had hopes and dreams for him. For us. Things that couldn't be accomplished in a mere 7 weeks. I feel like we are all missing out on so much. Me, Phil, my boys and Pierce. I wonder if he is sad about it. I wonder if he sometimes wishes things could be different. That he could be here with us. One of my BLM mom said something on her blog about how she tries to focus on the time she had with her baby and not all the they are missing out on. I feel like that is just a really hard thing to do when I had 7 weeks and am missing out on that times 1000. Another had this song on her blog. (Carrie Underwood "See You Again") I love it. I totally cried. "I'll see you again, this is not where it ends. I will carry you with me, till I see you again. "Wednesday, August 8, 2012
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Today in the car I was thinking about how bad this sucks. I tell you I go through moments of just thinking "forever someone from my family is missing. I wont see him do this or that. Even when my kids are all grown I/we will still miss him." I was thinking about how everyone has to deal with death, and it is never fun, but I still wound up thinking that most people get more than a few hours, days or weeks. I wish I had more memories. Instead of having memories, I just think of all the missed opportunities to create them. It is hard to create tons of memories when your baby lived in a hospital bed. :( Death just really really sucks. Especially when it is someone who could have had so much life ahead of them. I had hopes and dreams for him. For us. Things that couldn't be accomplished in a mere 7 weeks. I feel like we are all missing out on so much. Me, Phil, my boys and Pierce. I wonder if he is sad about it. I wonder if he sometimes wishes things could be different. That he could be here with us. One of my BLM mom said something on her blog about how she tries to focus on the time she had with her baby and not all the they are missing out on. I feel like that is just a really hard thing to do when I had 7 weeks and am missing out on that times 1000. Another had this song on her blog. (Carrie Underwood "See You Again") I love it. I totally cried. "I'll see you again, this is not where it ends. I will carry you with me, till I see you again. "
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5 comments:
I so agree!!! Its so hard to focus on the times we had my mind often wanders to what were missing out on. Im so sorry mama. It does feel like forever!! Hugs
Although I had 5 years with Erik, I still find myself concentrating on all of the things that we won't be able to experience now that he's gone.
Breaks my heart - as I know yours is broken as well.
Big (((HUGS))) Mama. <3
So beauitiful. I think we all feel this way. Not enough time and jealous of others that had more time than us, ya know. I wonder all the time if my son is sad as well...or if he really knows how hard this is for me and how much I want him back. I think I ask my husband those questions every day :)
Thinking of you and baby P always.
Love you sis!!! This is a hard hard trial and my heart hurts for you daily especially when we went to the pageant the other night and the little baby dies and my girls were sobbing and Claire said it was because it reminded her of Pierce!
I do that exact same thing. Think about everything that we aren't experiencing with them now or even years down the road. It sucks.... complete suckiness!
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