The baby/child loss community is amazing. Really, people are all linked together and lots of people know about lots of other people. It really is so nice to have people who understand how it feels to live with out one of your children. It is something that you can't understand unless you are living it. You can imagine all you want (or not ;) how it would feel but the reality is so different. I have made some amazing friends that I am grateful to know, just wish it could have happened under other circumstances. ;)
Sometimes I get on kicks of blog hoping through friends of other Angels. I will look through tons of peoples stories and cry for them, and then a little more for me. It is really crazy the trials that people are given. I am just amazed at the things that some are called to bare during this earthly life. Sometimes when I read them it makes me anxious and a little crazy thinking of what else could happen to our family." Life is hard" I tell myself. It is supposed to be. If it was easy what would we be learning? Although really a lot of times I wish it could just be easy and always enjoyable. :) Or maybe that I could pick what hard things I thought I could handle. ;)
There is currently road construction going on RIGHT in front of the entrance to the cemetery. It is kinda like knowing you can't have something, makes you really want it. Well, I really NEED to go to the cemetery and it is buggin that I can't. I am thinking maybe we will take a walk over this afternoon. That would work.
Also yesterday I was thinking about a lot of the things I am blessed with. I am grateful to have so many blessings. I love the times when I can think of all of my blessing and it really out weighs the sadness of missing Pierce.
6 comments:
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I'm scared too... about the 'what's next??'
But one thing I've had to learn is that fear and worry over the future is robbing me of today's joy. And any moment of joy lost, every moment wasted on the misery of worry, is a victory for the adversary.
I still worry. But knowing God is in charge helps.
I have found so much support and love in the blogging world. I love reading your blog. But yes, it does make me realize that worse things can happen and it completely scares me.
So sorry that you can't get into your cemetery, hopefully taking the walking to visit there was nice.
I am soooooo glad that you have such wonderful friends who understand what you have and are going through...it is so awesome!!! I am also glad that you have taken some time to reflect on your blessings. Reminds me I need to do the same thing. Love ya sis!!!
The baby loss community is amazing. Club I wish I didn't have a reason to know, but since I do... I am so so grateful for it.
I need to count my blessings more.
I seriously always try to pretend to imagine what I would try to imagine if I never lost a child and try to feel what it really feels like... (YEAH that sounds confusing...) ya know, I always try to think what my friends or family are thinking about when they probably say... "what would it be like" or "I think I know how it feels..." and the truth is--they really don't have any idea. And I guess that's fine--I mean I don't have any clue about other trials people endure. It's just interesting--for example--shortly after Joshua died, a girl in the ward told me she understood what I was going through because she cried and cried when she found out the news (and probably cause her baby is only a month older)...and I'm thinking...hmmm okay so maybe a mom has missed their child when they go stay away or go on vacation for a while or maybe they think they know the feeling when their child has gotten sick or even seriously injured or they think they know the feeling when their child gets lost in a mall or something but unfortunately--it's a little different than those feelings. But I have to remember that I have no clue about other peoples problems and should always be VERY sensitive. I do think about what's NEXT and think "it should be easy after this..." but ya know that it probably won't be easy, because if it was easy then what would be the point. I sometimes think I couldn't possibly lose another child but why wouldn't it happen to me when it's happened to many other people (think of Emma Smith...)
This community is amazing I am blessed to have all of you!!!,I need to also count my blessings more!! We need to get together! Your kids are so stinking cute!!
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